it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Randomize
