im gay
i know
yea but for you.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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