thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
