I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
