okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
