Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
