I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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