Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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