Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
