Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
