Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
