No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
