if you like me you must not know who I am
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
