u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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