We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
