Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
