you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize