i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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