as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
