My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
