Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
