Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
