Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
