Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
