i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
