i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
