the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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