Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
