i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
