he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
