my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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