I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
