That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
