She's JV to your varsity
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
literally had 100 drinks last night.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize