Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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