And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
