did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
