Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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