does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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