I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
