This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
