my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
