hotel room ftw
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
