You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
