Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
