People in love make me want to vomit
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Rumble strips road head = magical
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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