Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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