:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize