I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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