i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
