That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
