Soap is not a condiment
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
