can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
