i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
