so that wasnt chicken after all
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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