I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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