CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize