I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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