I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
