...so i touched it.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
