He passed out mid-signature
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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