well I can't set my house on fire every night
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
